The Parental Agreement
by imdrowninginfootwear
Summary: When Penny gets pregnant she doesn't know how she's going to raise her baby. Sheldon has an idea though. One-shot.


Sheldon Cooper, Rajesh Koothrappali, Howard Wolowitz, and Leonard Hofstadter were sitting in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment, chatting about comic books, when a very upset Penny ran into the room.

"God, I'm so stupid!" Penny yelled. Sheldon went to open his mouth, but she cut him off. "Don't you even say it! ... Oh, god! What am I going to do? What am I going to do?"

Raj quickly whispered a question into his best friend's ear.

"How am I supposed to know what's wrong with her?" Howard quietly asked back.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me! Everything! Because I'm so stupid! I never should have gone to that stupid Christmas party, and I never should have drank so much eggnog, and I never should have slept with that stupid guy, and I never should have gotten pregnant," Penny ranted frantically. "And now I don't even know that guy's number, and I don't even know his last name. When the kid grows up and it asks who it's Dad is, my only response will be 'some guy named Steve'. That is if the kid even grows up! I'm going to be a terrible parent, I have trouble even taking care of myself, let alone a baby. I don't even know how to deal with babies! And my mom's going to be so mad, what is she going to think when she finds out that I'm pregnant and I don't even know who the father is? My life is ruined."

The girl burst into tears and no one seemed to know how to react. Except for Sheldon, that is.

"Alright, enough begging," Sheldon said. "I'll do it."

"Do what?" Penny asked, looking up at him.

"I'll do it, I'll be your baby daddy," Sheldon said, amazed at how she hadn't picked up on the meaning of his words before.

"Sheldon, I don't think that's what she needs," Leonard said.

"You really would do that?" Penny asked. Usually she would have laughed at the idea, but in her situation it almost seemed like a good idea...

"Well someone has to save this baby, besides we could both benefit from this," Sheldon said. "We'd both get our parents off our backs. That way I don't have to sit through one more conversation where my mother continuously asks 'Shelly when am I ever going to get a grandchild from you?'." The man was beginning to get really excited now. "And as far as everyone would know we would be just like normal parents. Only our closest three friends would get to know that we have strictly a business relationship. Co-workers on the job of parenting, if you will. By the way, closest three friends means you buffoons." As he said this he pointed towards the other three men in the room. "If we're going to convince people, then we're going to have to go through the pesky marriage process, but of course it will be a strictly platonic marriage. So don't get any ideas about trying anything."

"I won't," Penny said, staring at him in shock.

"Alright, I'll go type up a parental agreement," Sheldon said, excitedly running towards his laptop.

* * *

><p>A few hours later 'The Parental Agreement' was finished and had been read off and explained to Penny, both 'parents' signed it to make it official.<p>

* * *

><p>When the wedding day came, Sheldon was given a piece of advice from his mother.<p>

"Now Shelly, I know that you're one weird kid. And I don't want you ruining this girl's wedding day, alright? So when she gets to the end of that aisle, you had better damn-well compliment her on her appearance."

Sheldon kept that in mind, so when Penny reached the edge of the aisle he whispered, "You have quite the healthy glow for a pregnant woman. Pregnancy suits you well. Much better than the make-up that you enjoy piling on."

"Thanks.. I think?" Penny whispered back.

"It _was_ a compliment," Sheldon clarified.

When it came time for Sheldon to kiss his bride, he hesitated. He imagined that he could see little germs and bacteria crawling across Penny's lips.

He could hear them taunting him. 'Don't you want to kiss us?' 'Come on Sheldon, pucker up!' 'I can't wait to make you sick!'

Sheldon leaned forward, attempting to dodge the hallucinations. He stopped and re-tried about four times before he heard his mother's voice.

"Oh, just kiss her already, Shelly!" She shouted.

"Here, like this," Penny whispered as she leaned forward to pull Sheldon into a long and drawn out kiss.

When she finally pulled away she whispered the explanation, "I had to make it convincing."

Later on, during the married couple's first dance, Sheldon whispered, "So that was kissing."

"Yeah, that was kissing," Penny whispered back, lightly laughing.

"Interesting," Sheldon said, he finally understood why people risked getting diseases for a kiss. "I'd like to try it again."

"Sheldon Cooper, you dog!" Penny giggled.

This time Sheldon managed to reach her lips on the first try.

"Did Sheldon just?" Wolowitz began to ask.

"Uh-huh," Raj responded.

"I need another drink," Leonard said as he walked off.

"Did you just break The Parental Agreement?" Penny asked once the kiss was over, raising an eyebrow at her husband. "What happened to a 'strictly platonic marriage'?"

"I may have broken the agreement," Sheldon agreed. "But don't get too excited, we still have to sleep in separate hotel rooms during the honeymoon. You haven't turned me into a madman."

"Yet," Penny said, grinning at him with a plotting smile.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please read and review! Merry Christmas everyone :D**


End file.
